There are so many wonderful, romantic reasons to get married… but on the flip side, there are also the worst reasons to get married. I’m not judging; I just want your marriage to be as happy and successful as possible! To that end, I’ve put together a list of what I think are the worst reasons to get married. Take a close look at your situation and feelings, then compare them carefully against my list. Take a deep breath, and let’s get started.
1. For the Kids
It may seem like a no-brainer to marry the father of your children, if you had them out of wedlock, but it’s not always the best idea, and in fact, is one of the worst reasons to get married. I speak here from personal experience! I’m not suggesting that the man may not be a good father, but that doesn’t automatically qualify him as a good husband. If you’re hoping marriage will make him into a good father or husband, it’s sad, but it won’t. He is the father and partner he is, just like you’re the mother and partner you already are.
2. To Please Your Family
I married the first time to please my husband’s family; they pressured us into marrying because they thought it would settle him down. It was a total disaster, of course. Making any major life decision with the goal of pleasing someone else almost always means putting your own interests and happiness on the back burner… and it almost never works out.
3. Tick Tock!
Your biological clock may be ticking, but rushing into a marriage so you can have children may be a disaster in the making. Your future husband is more than a potential sperm bank; think of him as a partner, then the father of your children, then as your husband once your children are grown. If he doesn’t fit this formula, you might be making a rush into marriage for the wrong reasons. Besides, you don’t necessarily need a husband to be a mother – that’s what actual sperm banks are for!
4. For Money
Marrying for money, or financial stability, isn’t in itself a bad idea to get married, as long as both of you know why you’re getting into it. Marriage is, of course, much deeper than romantic love; picking a partner with similar financial goals and habits is actually a good idea. But marrying solely for financial profit is a bad idea, morally, ethically, and even statistically: these marriages rarely work long-term.
5. You’re Lonely
Even if you’re afraid you’re heading down a path that will lead you to being the crazy cat lady, the one who reeks of loneliness and desperation, destined to live forever alone with your ever-increasing collection of porcelain figurines, don’t marry a man you don’t adore just so you won’t be alone. Yes, companionship is important, but imagine how sad it would be to meet your dream man… after you’re already married.
6. You Think He’ll Settle down
If you’re hoping your man will change, settle down, once you’re married, think again. While everyone makes practical changes once they’re married, often times their habits and personalities don’t, no matter how much we wish they would. Marrying a man, hoping he’ll change, is a set-up for disappointment.
7. For the Dream Wedding
You’ve been planning your dream wedding for years, pinning glamorous goodies on Pinterest all lunch hour long. But do you see beyond the wedding into your married life, into the future? If you spend more time day-dreaming about the invitations you’ll send, the glittery head-piece you’ll wear, maybe you don’t want the marriage as much as you want the wedding.
While these are, in my view, the reasons to get married that will make your marriage most likely to crash and burn, everyone, every relationship, is different. I just want what you want – a happy, fairy-tale marriage that lasts forever. Which of these reasons puts you off the idea of tying the knot, and what would you add to my list?