Wedding planning is stressful and sometimes we can't help but transform into bridezillas. But it's always fun to read a humorous take on bridezillas thanks to guest contributors like Miles Young!
We all know about bridezillas. They’re those blushing brides who have transformed into monsters with their own special, horrifying superpowers. I know a bridezilla who only invited half the people from her ceremony to her reception. Don’t worry, if they’re left out of the reception they still get to lavish her with gifts because they’re invited to a special bridal shower. I guess you could say her superpower is maximizing profit. Read on for more bridezillas with superpowers. You’re sure to recognize some of them.
First, we have the Destination Obsessed Bridezilla. Her superpower is the ability to flit from one destination to another at a moment’s notice with no thought to cost, practicality, or how her guests will manage to follow. You know her. She was going to have a posh New York City wedding but decided that she would prefer everyone fly to Fiji to witness her nuptials. Also, if you are in the wedding party and can’t afford to fly to Fiji, she hates you, you cheap bitch.
Ah, the Survivalist Bridezilla. She has the ability to make do in any circumstance and get her dream wedding with even the roughest of materials to work with. You’ll find her sewing the rip in her bridesmaid’s wedding dress before she heads to the stage to take over for the DJ who cancelled at the last minute. Does the food at the reception taste delicious? You better eat it and like it because this bride whipped up a gourmet meal out of hot dogs, arugula, and garbanzo beans after her caterer bailed.
The Exploding Bridezilla is a force to be reckoned with. You’ll notice her superpower is a smoldering look that brings even the most seasoned wedding planners to their knees and makes everyone eager to do her bidding. If you don’t bring her a latte, like, yesterday, she doesn’t have a problem putting you at the kids’ table and revoking your open bar privileges. Mark her cruel words.
Her superpower is the ability to make everyone fall into step with her plans using something suspiciously similar to mind control. You’ve seen her before. She’s the one who needed sparkling water flown in from Italy and had people offer to go pick it up themselves. Oh, and she decided her bridesmaids would wear burlap sacks so they wouldn’t upstage her and they were all completely OK with it. Mind control is clearly the only explanation.
She has the ability to swing from one decision to another with complete conviction at every stage of the game and has no apparent memory of the last twelve times she changed her mind. You’ll find her in the bakery trying 16 types of cake only to end up deciding on the first one she tried. Or maybe the fourth. No, the first. Actually, can she try all of them again and wait, can she try them all with ganache instead of buttercream frosting this time?
She is equipped with the ability to vanish into thin air when her family comes looking for her. You’ll probably find her at the mimosa bar. She isn’t there? She’s probably yelling at the caterer. Ugh, she’s not? Just yell, «Who wants to take a shot?!» and give her a minute. She’ll show up.
His superpower is the ability to blend into the background like a chameleon while everything comes together with absolutely no actual invovlement from him. Chances are he’s got a controlling bridezilla on his hands. Can you blame him for getting out of her way?
Do any of these sound like someone you know? Were you one of these bridezillas? Planning a wedding is a stressful process. You’re allowed to go a little crazy sometimes. However, if you found that you possessed at least one of the superpowers mentioned above, you should probably get on the phone and start making some apologies.
Check out the original Bridezillas infographic and find out your bridal superpower!
[Images by: Miles Young]
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