7 Reasons Why Prenups Are a Bad Idea ...

7 Reasons Why Prenups Are a Bad Idea ...
By Aprille • Apr 2, 2011

I can understand why some people might decide on agreeing to a set of prenups, but I find them to be a generally bad idea. I'm sure certain circumstances might make prenups a good idea, however rare these circumstances might be. Here are 7 reasons why prenups are a bad idea, in my opinion.

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7. Sign of a Lack of Trust

To me it seems like prenups show a great lack of trust between two people. It's as if both people feel the need to protect themselves against any harm that the other person might cause during the marriage. I imagine people who have been in bad relationships in the past feel the need for a prenup because they really don't trust anyone anymore.

***

Prenups are a legally binding contract that couples sign prior to marriage, outlining the division of assets and liabilities in the event of a divorce. It is becoming more popular, particularly among millennials, and is often seen as a practical solution to protect one's financial interests. However, prenups can be a source of contention in a relationship.

First, prenups can create a feeling of distrust between the two people. By signing a prenup, it can seem as if both people are expecting the relationship to end in divorce, and thus do not trust one another. Additionally, prenups can be seen as a way to protect oneself against the other person, which can lead to feelings of insecurity and resentment.

Second, prenups can create a sense of inequality between the two people. By signing a prenup, one partner may feel as if they are more entitled to certain assets than the other. This can lead to resentment and arguments over who owns what.

Finally, prenups can be a source of stress in a relationship. By signing a prenup, couples may feel like they are planning for the worst-case scenario, and this can lead to feelings of anxiety and uncertainty.

6. Sign of Lack of Commitment

It's almost as if a prenup is a backup plan for someone who doesn't want to try and make a marriage work. If a person has nothing to lose, financially, then there's no worry about the marriage falling apart and that person being left with nothing. It's as if each person is saying, “Well, I don't care if the marriage falls apart because I'll be no worse off than I am now and you won't get a dime from me.”

***

Prenups are an increasingly popular option for couples getting married, but they are not without controversy. Many people view them as a sign of lack of commitment, as if each person is saying, “I don’t care if the marriage falls apart, I won’t be any worse off.” This can be especially concerning for couples who are already struggling in their relationship, as it implies that one or both partners are not fully committed to making the marriage work.

In addition, prenups can be seen as a way of protecting oneself from the financial risks of marriage. This can be seen as a lack of trust, as if one partner is expecting the other to take advantage of them. It can also make it difficult for couples to build a strong financial foundation together, as one partner may always be worried about protecting their assets.

Furthermore, prenups can create an unequal balance of power in a relationship. This can be especially true if one partner has more money or assets than the other. If one partner is able to dictate the terms of the prenup, it can make the other partner feel taken advantage of.

5. Shows Planning for End Game Strategy

Drawing up prenups is like knowing how the marriage will end. The prenups are drawn, so there's no need to worry about how rocky things get. This thinking makes it seem like the marriage is a game between two people and the prenup has already determined who will be the winner over all.

***

While it's pragmatic to assume that a prenup eliminates disputes during a potential divorce, it also takes away from the commitment of 'till death do us part.' To some, it signals a lack of trust, as if one is entering marriage with a safety net for the assets rather than an open heart. This cautious approach can dampen the spirit of unity that marriage is meant to symbolize, indicating that there is an expectation of failure rather than a foundation of unwavering trust and the belief in everlasting love.

4. It’s Planning for Defeat

I think prenups are like throwing in the towel before you ever get started. You may really want your marriage to work, but the prenup seems to be a symbol that you aren't expecting it to. How can a marriage be a successful relationship filled with trust when you've already planned how to protect yourself in the end?

***

Prenups are a legally binding document that couples sign prior to marriage that outlines who will get what in the event the marriage fails. While they are often seen as a practical measure to protect assets, there are some drawbacks to consider when it comes to prenuptial agreements.

First, prenups can be seen as a lack of trust in the relationship. While a prenup is a practical measure, it can also be seen as a sign that the couple is expecting the marriage to fail. This can lead to a lack of trust and communication between the couple, which is essential for a successful marriage.

Second, prenups may lead to conflict. The process of negotiating a prenup can be difficult and stressful, and may lead to disagreements between the couple. This can create tension in the relationship and make it difficult to move forward.

Third, prenups can be expensive. The process of creating a prenup can be costly, as it requires the services of a lawyer. This can be an added expense for couples who are already dealing with the costs of a wedding.

3. It’ll Keep People in a Relationship Longer than They Should Be

If a prenup states that one spouse will end up with a lot more than the other spouse, then this might cause a couple to stay together longer than they should. One person may try to make the best of a situation because a divorce would mean the end of all financial support. Two individuals making each other miserable, all because of money is never a good thing.

***

Prenups can be a source of conflict in a relationship, as it can create a sense of mistrust and competition between the two partners. It may also lead to resentment if one spouse feels like they are being taken advantage of financially. Additionally, if the prenup is not written and enforced properly, it may be invalidated in court, leaving the couple to face costly legal battles. Furthermore, prenups can also cause couples to stay in a relationship longer than they should, as one spouse may try to make the best of a situation that would leave them without financial support in the event of a divorce.

2. Could Limit Your Chances for a Successful Relationship

This reason sort of fits in along the same lines of thinking as setting yourself up for defeat. Even if you completely trust one another, the drawing up of the prenups will always be in the back of your minds. I think this might be harder for the person who initially suggests that prenups be written. His/her spouse might go along willingly with the idea, but this might raise questions later: “Why doesn't he/she trust me?” “Does he/she expect this marriage to fail?”

***

Prenuptial agreements, also known as premarital agreements, are legally binding contracts that are entered into before marriage. These agreements are designed to protect both parties in the event of a divorce or death. While prenups are becoming more common, they can have a negative impact on a marriage. Here are seven reasons why prenups are a bad idea:

  1. They Can Create a Lack of Trust: Prenups can create a feeling of distrust between partners, as one partner may feel that the other doesn’t trust them enough to share their assets and property. This feeling of distrust can be difficult to overcome and could lead to tension and resentment in the relationship.

  2. Could Limit Your Chances for a Successful Relationship: Even if both partners trust each other, the existence of a prenup can be a constant reminder that the marriage may not last. This could lead to questions such as “Does he/she expect this marriage to fail?” which can be difficult to answer.

1. They Can Backfire on You

Here's an example for this one: Let's say a couple get married and the husband is the wealthy one. What if the husband's wealth goes down hill and the wife suddenly becomes wealthy? With a prenup in place, the husband has ultimately stuck it to himself since he won't see any of his wife's money if they end up getting divorced. It's definitely something to think about!

The only way I can see a prenup arrangement being a good thing is if you are about to marry a complete stranger and you have lots of money that you don't want to risk losing. Other than that odd circumstance, I think these 7 reasons why prenups are a bad idea should make anyone think twice about agreeing to prenups. What do you think?

Top Photo Credit: TheHollywoodGossip

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Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

  • Timothy

    2012-11-23T15:35:07.000Z

    I am in the unfortunate situation of having just been asked for a "prenup." It has offended me greatly, and I am now working through newfound trust issues, caused by the request. Since my income is nearly equal to that of my wife, and the family isn't rolling in millions of inheritance dollars, I'm not sure why it was even asked. It's snobbish, it's judgmental, it's selfish. Marriage is not a business. You don't ask your first marriage spouse to preemptively forfeit their rights to whatever you may build in the future of the marriage. That's obscene. I believe in developing bonds of trust - you can't always protect yourself from bad people, but it's your responsibility to KNOW who you are marrying, treat them well, trust them to be fair. Furthermore, there are perfectly good divorce laws already in place, designed fairly - there's no need to circumvent these laws at the expense of trust in your marriage. You're going to get whatever you set your eyes on. Just pick the right person. Trust them to be fair. Work on building a strong life and bond with them. You can't do that through a legal glass wall that removes risk and responsibility. Prenups are a modern offense to people like me that intend fully to choose the right person, and stay with them, in all sincerity. If you have money concerns, learn what the divorce laws are, learn how your state's laws pertain to marriage and financial structuring. Include your future spouse in this research, use it as an opportunity to build understanding and trust. I fully intend to share what I'm bringing into a marriage, which means I should also be attuned to the person I'm choosing. Trust is fundamental to a meaningful relationship. If you don't have that, you haven't got much.
  • If_you_don't_marry_no_need_for_prenup

    2023-09-22T02:00:29.267Z

    I don't understand why you need to marry at all, if you know marriage it's most likely to fail, just live together and avoid all the drama, if you love someone you don't need to marry to prove it, just saying....
  • Andy

    2022-11-16T16:42:50.126Z

    The majority of the internet recommends a prenup - then you realize they are all lawyers and it's an incredibly self serving argument. State laws protect your assets that you enter a marriage with, from there it's a 50/50 spilt. I had never thought of it before but now faced with one I find myself not wanting to spend money on our relationship because I might need those funds after a divorce. The prenup is a slippery slope. Do I let my wife stay home with kids? From a financial standpoint it makes no sense. Before I would have supported that wholeheartedly and taken care of the family. But faced with the prenup, I have to take care of myself. It has completely skewed the balance in our relationship and I'm the bad guy because I don't want to hedge against our marriage...
  • Johnjohnjohn62@hotmail.co.uk

    2013-02-17T16:44:40.000Z

    Pre nups only protect assets acquired before you enter the marriage therefore if the wife becomes wealthy while the 2 are married the husband is entitled to a portion of the money.
  • Anonymous

    2012-06-06T22:04:00.000Z

    Ok, look. I have no intention of ever getting married without a prenup. My parents were married for 25 years (22 of which were happy), before they got "separated." It's been three years now and they still haven't finalized the divorce. Why? Because my father wants everyone to leave with what they've got and my mother wants to drain him for everything he's got. Since the judges MIGHT say that half of everything each of them has belongs to the other, my mom's been blowing all of her money and getting herself into debt... she hopes he'll end up with all of the debt and she'll end up with all of his money. Thing is, he doesn't even have a job right now and she's the one who kicked him out after finding him drinking (the first time she ever saw it). Bull? Yeah. There's never any guarantee that your marriage will last, that your partner will never give into temptation and cheat on you, that neither of you will accumulate massive debt and drag the other one down with you. I'm a frugal person, in love with someone who spends his money (earns $8/hr and works between 3 and 6 hours a day...) on dvds and other things we don't need. He's already in debt because he got into an accident and couldn't pay off the hospital and wouldn't double check to make sure the insurance company actually covered it (which they didn't). I'm not going to decide "I'll never marry you, because you SUCK with money." He's getting better about thinking "need before want" but I'm not stupid enough to get into a marriage that would completely screw me over if it ended. And even if he was great with money now, there's no promise that he'll be great with money in the future, or that he'll always have a job and never leave me. A prenup is a safety precaution that both parties should be happy to have. Even if you don't have a prenup and would get all of your spouses money, were there to be a divorce, it's quite likely that it won't be enough to support you for the rest of your life. If you don't earn money while you're married, especially if that's a long period of time, you're less likely to be able to earn money afterwards since companies value experience. It's a wise idea to try and earn enough to be able to support yourself later, if anything were to happen (even if your spouse died and you got all of their money)... For anyone who thinks a prenup is a bad idea, I really hope that you don't work your ass off and try to save up enough for a house or retirement (whatever you want) when your spouse doesn't save anything and ends up taking half or all of your savings. But wouldn't that be a great lesson. Talk about "backfiring," to think "I love him, we will always be together and I don't want things to end up badly for either of us, if we don't have a job." and then getting screwed out of your life's work for someone who didn't have a job or didn't care about their future...
  • Stacey

    2011-04-02T19:33:23.000Z

    love this couple(i'm looking forward to their reality show too-should be hilarious). i know a prenup is like saying we're destined to fail. i agree with all your sentiments.
  • Damien

    2011-06-25T01:58:25.000Z

    I don't think people get prenups because they don't trust their spouse to be. They get them because they don't trust the judges to make the right decision! Just a thought!
  • HiLLjO

    2011-04-05T19:33:57.000Z

    I'm not going to put a PC filter on myself when I say: pre-nups, the "new" monogamy, and "separate yet equal lives" and are all RIDICULOUS. This is a MARRIAGE; not something you can cheapen with a piece of paper, a new word for cheating, or with self-centered lifestyles.
  • Victoria

    2013-03-18T02:14:01.000Z

    With about one in three of all first marriages ending in divorce, and 50 percent of second or third ones hitting the skids, a prenup is smart financial planning, legal and financial experts say. "Think of it as a business arrangement or as an insurance policy to help remove some of the emotion that's naturally involved," says Nancy Dunnan, a New York City financial adviser and author. "Marriage is not just an emotional and physical union -- it's also a financial union. A prenup and the discussions that go with it can help ensure the financial well-being of the marriage."
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